Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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