If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
