I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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