You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
