If that was your dad, he is hot
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
