Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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