Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
