in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
