let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
