i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
