I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
