He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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