question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
