i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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