I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
