there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
