he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you win again, gameday.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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