For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
