This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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