Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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