he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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