Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
