so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
