i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
