Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
