So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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