just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
