you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
