My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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