just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
