dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
