I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
