I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
