i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
