your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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