I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
