There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
