So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
