I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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