my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I cockslap morals
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
