Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
