don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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