they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
