hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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