I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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