Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I will be naked everywhere
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
