i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
