you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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