SEEEEXXX PLEASE
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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