Michael Bay diarrhea
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
