the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
