sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
